Sometimes I just need to say what’s on my mind and so this post is personal in nature. Something terrible happened four years ago. I still can’t believe it sometimes and I guess that’s just life’s way of easing the pain perhaps. Four years ago I was getting ready for bed here in Virginia when I received a phone call from my brother Joel, who was calling from Washington State where I am from. He said: “Hi Shauna how are you doing?” I replied: “Just fine Joel, what’s going on?” It was unusual for me to receive calls from the west coast that late at night. He replied: “It’s about Kristy Palizzi.” I said it before he did: “She’s dead isn’t she? He killed her.” My brother replied: “How did you know? Did you see it on the news?” Somehow in my heart I already knew what had happened when he said her name. I was shaking and I couldn’t stop shaking because I couldn’t believe she could be dead. Her husband had killed her. It was awful and terrible and he killed her at point blank in the church parking lot early on a Sunday morning on her birthday. And no less, her mother had to stand there and watch it all before her very eyes. No it wasn’t just a few shots he had to shoot her 10 times. It makes me cry when I imagine the scene playing through my mind. How could someone do that? It was and still is incomprehensible to me.
Kristy and her husband were in the midst of a divorce and it was clear her husband was not happy about it. It is no surprise that she was leaving him. There were obvious reasons why it would never work. And the sad thing is that a lot of us shared the same reservations about her marrying him. I just didn’t have a good feeling about him and neither did some of her family. I really think it’s important to listen to your gut when it’s telling you something just isn’t right. Just don’t ignore it and hope it will disappear.
Kristy and I were close as teenagers and she was one of my bridesmaids. She was lively and was always fun to be around. She spoke the truth when no one wanted to hear it and she didn’t care. She was bold and beautiful in so many ways. Was she perfect? No and she would never say or pretend that she was, and that is what made her so refreshing. She was genuine, herself, an original, not another like her on earth.
One of my favorite memories of her was when we went out to eat lunch. Kristy was always working on her physique and the latest diet she was trying was Atkins. At the time I hadn’t heard of Atkins and we were eating at a buffet place. She loaded up her plate with all this meat and it just seemed strange to me as I never thought of her as a big meat eater. I asked her what was up with all the meat. She said: “It’s this new diet I’m trying. You have to eat a lot of protein. It’s called Atkins. I know it seems crazy but it works!” She was enthusiastic about it and it just cracked me up, the thought of losing weight by eating a lot of meat. Somehow it seemed counter intuitive.
Another one of my favorite memories are about the many times we would get together on Sunday evenings and go over to her house and sing around her piano with her and my friend Honor. Kristy’s voice was so deep and resonant. It was like melted chocolate coming off a fondue fountain. She was just born that way and she was so good she could have been signed by a record label. Her vocal talent was witnessed by many and the good feelings that came from her gift touched many lives including my own. I just feel fortunate that I have video of her singing at my wedding reception.
As time passed and we both lived in different parts of the world, raising kids and staying busy with life, we weren’t as close as we should have been. Sometimes we let life get in the way and relationships that you cherish can grow weak. I would always hope that our summer visits back to Seattle to see our families would coincide so that we could sing together and catch up on our lives. And even now I still think about what it was like to sing together and enjoy that time in our lives. It really was a formative time in my life and I give a lot of credit to Kristy and her mom, Ann for helping me to draw closer to God during that time in my life.
We all know that life can be cut short too soon. I regret that I won’t have those future days with her that I used to hope for. I so wish we could go back for just one more day and hang out, giggle, snort as she used to do, and sing together. Awww I miss her!
I love this entry from her mom on Kristy’s memory blog. Her mom shared: “One year ago tonight I spent a very pleasurable evening with Kristy. We went condo shopping and out to dinner then back to her house. We stayed up late and had a deep thoughtful conversation. We basically bore testimony to each other and Kristy sang a couple of her favorite songs to me. Our last words that evening were words of love and affection, hugs and kisses on the cheek. Only 11 hours later she lay dead in the snow. What a cherished memory for me to look back and know that we had said the things that needed to be said. I have no regrets that I left things unsaid. It brings comfort to my soul.” If it’s been a while since you’ve told those you love that you love them, do it TODAY!
And here is a pic of me and Kristy back in 1998 at my wedding. If I look like a baby, I kind of was. I got married at 20 🙂
Beautifully said, Shauna! I felt the same way about her husband. I never really liked him. But anyway, I miss her, and and think of her often!
I remember the day that the news had her death plastered across the TV. I kept saying “Jeff she looks super familiar” It was not until they post a picture of her in your grandparent’s rose garden that it clicked!
I remember meeting her and she was ironing her bridesmaid dress and poor Susan was in tears about her zipper falling out of hers. She walked over to us, hugged Susan and said, “At least no one looks at your back and doesn’t take pictures of our backs!” It made us all smile and then the sewing of Susan into the dress began.
Shauna – you write so well! I loved reading this post – tears filled my eyes.
And by the way – you don’t look like a baby in the picture! You both look amazing!
So moving, Shauna. What a tragedy. Even though I have heard this story from you before, I was riveted. you have suffered way too much loss. My heart is with you. Since you reminded me, I may as well just tell you that I love you as well. 🙂 Glad we’re friends, co-workers, etc. Xoxo
I remember that day. Horrified. One word to describe my emotions that day. You cherish her with grace and love. What a great reminder to tell those closest to us that we love them.